The Ew Department: Soy Milk

Strong opinions abound here at The Amateur Gourmet.I've alienated my Atkins-lovers, my cheese eaters, and the Christian Right. And now I'm going to alienate the vegans.Tonight I sat innocently watching TV with Lauren. "Will and Grace" was on. We were decompressing from a full day of bar study and torture. I said: "How 'bout a cookie?" Lauren said: "Ok."I got up and got us some cookies. Actually I made a cookie ice cream sandwich. But more on that later.What's important is that I brought the cookie ice cream sandwich back to the couch and Lauren said: "Milk?"And I said: "You get it."She snarled but obliged.I bit into my cookie ice cream sandwich. How it tasted is not relevant, here.What is relevant is that Lauren returned with a glass of what looked like milk. I took what looked like a sip. And then I had what looked like a seizure."Blech!" I said in 40 languages."Ugh!" I continued."Ghak!" I concluded."What IS that?""Soy Milk," said Lauren, drinking hers pleasantly."Oh it's awful! Awful I tell you!"Lauren was having none of it.It was awful!It tasted like frothy water and metal. In fact, I was convinced that it came in a bottle labelled: "Frothy Water and Metal." Instead it came in a carton that looked like this:People who drink this stuff: how can you drink it? Have you no tastebuds? This tastes nothing like milk. It tastes like the water a painter dips his paintbrush in to clean off the bristles, except the paintbrush water would taste more like milk. This has the same consistency as milk and that's about all you can say for it. Eyeballs have the same consistency as grapes--doesn't make them grapes.Forgive my strong opinion, but I hate soy milk. I'm so mad I'm going to go kill a soy cow. Blech!