Food Network Maraton: 2:30-3, 30 Minute Meals

"Hi there I'm Rachel Ray and I make 30 minute meals."NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!I have this nightmare vision of Rachel Ray like Chucky in "Child's Play" pacing around my room with her toothy smile and repeating that opening incantation: "I'm Rachel Ray, I make 30 minute meals" over and over again, wielding a chef's knife.Rachel Ray has her defenders. I will squeeze out a few compliments from my repertoire of Raytred. Umm, well she's practical. If you're a working mother and you come home and you need ideas for a quick dinner, I'm sure a 30 minute meal is very appealing. I won't argue that her show doesn't offer anything to viewers who crave this sort of thing; I'll simply argue that she's the most irritating woman on TV and that every time I see her or hear her speak I want to vomit.It's just that she's so self-consciously cutesy. She thinks that she's adorable and rests all her laurels on that notion. She's like "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane" except she's still Baby Jane. Someone needs to feed her a dead rat.Like here I'll quote her verbatim: "We're going to take a quick break but come right back because you don't want to miss a MINUTE of this sandwich, it is SPECIAL."I'd imagine that teachers of the mentally challenged address their audience with more dignity. I feel like I should put on Pampers and chew a pacifier. How fitting, she just said: "I love cooking dinner every night because I just LOVE playing with my food. Hahaha."That hahaha is there to illustrate Ray's obnoxious way of making herself laugh. It's all part of the cutesy-wutesy package. It sounds like the sounding call of the apocalypse.